Conversations to have before marriage

6 Important Conversations to Have Before Marriage

Congratulations! You’re engaged!

I wish I could be there to give you a hug, seriously! You have such an exciting couple of months ahead of you and I am here to help but before we get into the fun planning there are some important and slightly not-so-fun, conversations you need to have with your new fiancé. But don’t worry I did my best to outline them for you below:

Conversations to have before marriage

1. Finances

There is a couple of conversations that need to be discussed around financials. First and foremost, who plans to pay for the wedding? Make sure there are no assumptions on who is paying for what. You and your new fiancé(é) need to determine if you will be paying for the wedding yourselves, or if your families will be sharing the cost. Either way, you need to generally determine who will be paying for what. This may mean you need to have an additional conversation with your families to see how much they are able to contribute.

Again, you want to make sure there are no assumptions-so you shouldn’t assume your parents will be paying for your wedding until you sit down and have that conversation with them.

Second under the topic of financials is how will you manage bills moving forward. Up until now, you and your fiancé most likely have separate bank accounts. Now that you are engaged, do you plan to open a joint account to combine funds for the wedding or will you wait until you are married to mix your funds? Maybe, you want to keep separate accounts even after you are married and have one account for bills. What ever the case, it is so important that you and your future spouse are on the same page when it comes to this.

2. Debt

After finances, you should discuss any major debt you have whether this be student loans or credit cards. Decide on who will be responsible for paying off the debt and when it will be paid off. Its best to be open and honest about this topic, you don’t want to start your marriage off on the wrong foot and hide something so important from your significant other.

3. Wedding Type

Have you always dreamed of an intimate destination wedding, well maybe your fiancé has always imagined a big wedding with all of his family and friends. Just enjoy this conversation with your fiancé and fantasize about your wedding day together. Let the ideas flow, then you can decide what is necessary and what is realistic based on your budget but at least you will have an idea of what you are both hoping for on the big day. Talk about some things you want for your wedding day and make sure you are listening to your significant others wants as well. Don’t forget its their wedding day too!

4. Are you changing your last name?

While it is tradition for the woman to take her husbands last name, in recent years some women have decided not to change their last name or to hyphen their maiden name with their new married name. What ever you decide is perfectly fine, just make sure you have this conversation with your fiancé. It would be quite a surprise after the wedding when he is expecting you to change your last name and you spring the news on him that you decided not to.

5. Future Children

If you haven’t already had this conversation, now is a good time. How many children do you want to have? Have you always imagined a little family, one little girl and one sweet boy? Well maybe your fiancé wants a big family of 5. You should also discuss how soon after you are married do you want to start having children. Will you wait and focus on your marriage, maybe you want to travel or build your career, either way you want to make sure you are on the same page or at least compromise.

6. Religion

You most likely already know your fiancé religious beliefs, but now is a time to decide how you will practice as a couple and a future family. What religion or beliefs will you teach your children? Do you plan to be married in a church or are there any traditions/ceremonies that will take place during your wedding day?

engaged couple

Don’t forget you are planning a life with this person, not just a wedding day. It is so important to be open and honest during these conversations. The beauty about love is finding that person who accepts you for your true self, so don’t be afraid to share that with them.

What are some other conversations you think are necessary to have with your fiancé(é)? Share them in the comments below! xoxo

10 thoughts on “6 Important Conversations to Have Before Marriage

  1. Renata says:

    I remember having a similar conversation with my husband 20 years ago. I couldn’t wait to change my last name!

  2. Rachna Parmar says:

    Those are some excellent pointers and I agree that these points must be covered before the wedding. Strangely, I did not discuss the number of kids that we must have or even debt back then.

  3. Shannon Dewease says:

    They are all great things, and necessary to discuss before marriage! The only thing I might add would be to keep that open line of communication after the vows are exchanged. People grow and change, as your relationship will as well, as it should. After 21 years of marriage, my husband and I are completely different as to when we got married. But as long as you plan and talk it out often, it can be a wonderful journey!

  4. Tiffany says:

    These are topics that definitely need to be discussed before a couple gets married. All too often there are couples that don’t find out things in these categories until after the fact and at that point it’s harder to work through because it wasn’t discussed up front. This is a nice reminder to lay it all out there!

  5. Nicole says:

    This is such a great post and I agree with everything you said. You do need to have these conversations before you get married and continuously throughout your marriage. Thank you for your insight!!

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